Anywho..So I quit nursing basically for 2 reasons. 1, and most importantly, I couldn't get a peace from God. I prayed, read, and sought...but it just wouldn't come. 2nd... I was a miserable human being. When I say miserable, I mean MISERABLE! I was no fun to be around. I was bitter, angry, and mad at the world pretty much.(just ask Whit, my parents, Brit, etc.) I cried almost every single day about absolutely nothing. Satan was slowly trying to rob me of every ounce of my joy.
The day of my "revolution" happened at clinicals. I was standing at the nurses station and my mind started running in a million directions. The main thought running through my head that day was, "I don't want to do this for the rest of my life." So for the next 2 hours I stood there (literally) and thought of every other occupation in the world. I had to stop myself from running up to every passing individual and beg them to tell me there story. I was crazy actually. When I left the hospital I called my mama crying. I just kept telling her over and over that I didn't want to work in a hospital, I didn't want to be a nurse. Long story short..I came home, cried for hours and hours with my parents. We prayed, read God's word, prayed, cried. My dad told me something that pretty much settled in my heart that I needed to quit.."Ash, I can't make this decision for you. You must do it on your own. I think you know in your heart what you need to do. Don't let Satan tell you otherwise." I didn't sleep a wink that night. I read my Bible and prayed, and of course cried...
The next morning I cried the whole way to school. And God, ever so gently, whispered I'm right here. I ran into my room, found Whit, spilled my guts...we wept together for a long time. I then got up the nerve to walk over to the nursing building. The walk of shame for me (or so it was in my mind). I went in found my fav. nursing instructor, and we both cried as I told her everything. We then proceeded to the "lady in charge." This sums up our convo...
"Ashley, from an instructor's position I don't want you to quit. You are in the top 10 of your class which has 130 students. You have an A. You are everything we look for in a nursing student. (pause) But from a mama's point of view get out. You are unhappy, and I can sense the pain in your heart. I know you've thought about this long and hard."
When she said the mama thing I knew I was doing the right thing. And God, ever so gently, whispered I'm right here.
So I quit. I cried the rest of the day. Told the story at least 200 times that day. And do you know what my family and friends did? They hugged me, loved me, cried with me..They embraced me just like Jesus did. Oh, how precious. When I told my friend Chadwick, He grabbed me and hugged me, and then said "I've never been more proud of you Ashley." Things like that. God used my friends. Oh praise Him!! So that's my insanely long story. Goodness.
My one prayer mainly that night was "Lord, if I quit nursing, please never ever let me regret it." And He hasn't. Not even once. Not even for a second. I know it was the right thing. Praise God!
Since then, God has led me to Education. Special Education. I've prayed and I do have a peace. I have a heart for those precious people. This past week Satan has been getting to me. He knows I want to be in the will of God. So he starts telling me that I'm not smart enough, not good enough, etc. Through my quiet time, God once again led me to Matt 25:40...'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.', and John 10:10 '...I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.'
Thank you Father. Thank you for your peace. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for friends and family. Help me to see the world through your eyes. Help me to make a difference. For your glory God, you alone.
My sweet cousin, Andrew, graduated from the Fire Academy. Valedictorian, might I add. :) Couldn't be more proud of him. Thank you Andrew...for running in when everyone else is running out. I know Papaw Moose is grinning from ear to ear.
Check out our little basketball star. :) You go ahead girl.
Sweet Payton. Cuuuuuute isn't the word.
Until next time.
Love God. Love People.
2 comments:
Thank you so much for posting this. I cried all over just thinking about last year.
I am so blessed to have a friend, a BEST friend, who can listen to the will of God and actually act on it. What a role model you are.
Can I be you when I grow up?
Ash, I am so proud of you and I know God is too. Dont let Satan tell you anything. He is so mad. But he has already been defeated. Praise JESUS!
Those kids need you. I need you.
Thank you for being you.
I love you best.
Ashley,
I am so glad you posted your site address on FB! I have enjoyed reading your blog. You are a great writer--Ms. Martin helped with that I'm sure! :)
This post touched me and I just wanted to tell you to never let satan succeed in trying to keep you from being in Gods will. I think you will make a wonderful special education teacher! We need people in schools who actually care about and WANT to work with special needs children. Hang in there girl! Maybe I will see you at school some!
Love ya--tell your mom hi and that I love her too!
Ms. Libby
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